The Big Sleep (1946)

I don't mean to be an ass but I have yet to see a movie that I really feel like I've missed out in life for not seeing (Annie Hall does not count). The Big Sleep (aka the movie that put me to sleep TWICE) is NO exception. Now while I have not adored some of the other movies I've seen, I have been able to follow the story line in all of them. The Big Sleep is THE exception. You have to have a major in English to understand wtf they are talking about! Oh wait! I HAVE A MAJOR IN ENGLISH. Maybe you need a PhD to understand. I think my Brecht classes made more sense and Brecht's not even supposed to make sense.

So there's this Detective working for this guy with 2 daughters who are wild childs. The detective is hired to figure out...that's where I stopped understanding the plot line (so I basically understood half of the opening scene). This is one of those films where:

A) The dialogue is spoken so quickly and I'm pretty sure it's supposed to be witty and raunchy, but I didn't get it. For me it was just painful and murky.

B) There are about 20 characters that people talk about but you never actually see the character so you have to keep up with all of this names in your head and frankly I need a FACE...and a DEAD BODY doesn't count.

C) The detective kills people! I'm pretty sure he's not supposed to do that....??

I started watching this movie with Rachel and at 9:30 it had literally put me to the big sleep. Never have I rested so well.

A WEEK LATER I finally decided to finish the rest, and there were about 3 times I wanted to go to bed but I knew that I had to finish.

Anyways I recommend this film if you have bouts of insomnia.

The Best Years of our Lives (1946)

So I have to retract my 'I'm an awesome guesser' statement (see entry below). I assumed from the title that this movie would be a wishy washy 'It's a Wonderful Life' type but I was pretty wrong. I didn't read the sleeve of the movie beforehand so I just put it in the DVD player and was hoping I'd be entertained for the next few hours, and I was...smiley face.

This movie follows 3 men returning from WWII. This is not a war movie. It's a post-war movie. One man is pretty much an alcoholic. One man comes home to his slutty/materialistic wife. The other lost both of this hands in the war and is a real sweet heart. All 3 men have to adjust to coming back home and dealing with the fact that pretty much everyone in their town has no idea what the war experience was actually like.

It's a very easy to follow movie and the characters are pretty much all very likable. I think it's a realistic portrayal of what being a war veteran must have been like in those days. I definitely recommend it just for seeing the psychology of these men. Some of the story lines are silly but you can just fast forward through them (the main one I'm referring to is the annoying daughter of the Sargent's love for the married Captain). I didn't actually fast forward through anything but I just want to give you a heads up.

Ben-Hur (1959)

Yikes, another two discer. Won't lie, wasn't looking forward to it. I don't know anything about the Ben-Hur plot. I was guessing it was going to be 'Ten Commandments-y.' I'm a pretty awesome guesser.

The story coincides with the life and death of Christ. Judea Ben-Hur is a Hercules-like hero who overcomes all sort of obstacles to be reunited with his mother and sister. Although so many things happen in the movie and the story is pretty complex the viewer never has that sense of 'what the hell is going on? who is that guy? wait is that the good guy or bad guy? wait is that a guy?' I like action/adventure movies like that!!

The movie beautifully depicts the early days of Christianity and what real Christianity is all about: forgiving and loving your enemies, being good in this life so you are rewarded in death, do not fear death, etc. These parts of the movies I really enjoyed because it reminded me of bible stories my grannie Annie used to read to me.

Ben-Hur won 11 Academy awards which doesn't surprise me because the story is huge, the production is huge, everything is gargantuan! I would recommend it for someone who wants to catch a glimpse of the extravagant Roman empire.

Apocalypse Now (1979)

I was not too excited to watch this movie. First I knew it was another war movie. I had my dose of men dying after All Quiet. Second it came on 2 discs. I don't have the patience for 2 discs. I don't have the patience for 1 commercial.

Everyone I spoke to had already seen this movie. Even my roommate Rachel who owns 'Notting Hill' (bleh). What's wrong with me? I've never even heard of this movie.

I held onto the disc for 4 days wondering when I would be ready to make the commitment. On Saturday I started playing it but the opening credits with The Door's 'The End' was just way too obnoxious and hoakey for me so I had to stop. Monday I felt more ready. I fast forwarded through the opening credits and let this leg of my idiot's quest begin.

I recognized the leading actor to be Martin Sheen. He was pretty good looking in his hey day. It's those pretty green eyes!

I'm happy to say that I actually really enjoyed the first disc (Act I). Vietnam is a really scary place. Like a haunted mystical jungle of death. Add a war and you have officially entered Hell.

The journey into Cambodia where Colonel Kurtz is hiding is the story line for this Act (the movie parallels with Josephy Conrad's Heart of Darkness). It's really interesting to see Sheen try to pick at the brain of Colonel Kurtz and understand how this man eventually went insane.

I planned on going to bed on Monday around 10 but I got sucked into Act 1. I started Act II but I started losing interest when Sheen reaches a French plantation.

The next night I got back to Act II. I can immediately tell that this french hoe is going to seduce Sheen so I had to fast foward through most of those parts because it didn't seem important to the story. I guess director Francis had to get some boobs in there somehow. Yawn.

Sheen finally gets to Colonel Kurtz and I really was surprised by the messed up colony Kurtz had set up. The whole thing is just so freaking creepy. The best part is when Kurtz throws one of Sheen's crew member's head onto Sheen's lap. It's all very grotesque and sort of silly.

Other than that I didn't really find Act II all that interesting. I thought it was just way too out there. The characters from the beginning were more my cup of tea (they pretty much all die in Act II). Kurtz for me is unrealistic as a character but then again I've never spent time in a jungle so I really don't know what that situation can do to you.

Annie Hall (1977)

So I am super lucky because after a crap film like An American in Paris I get to see one of my all-time favorite movies Annie Hall. I've seen this movie around 6 times and from the first time I saw it it became a very special film for me. The story takes place in New York and after living in Manhattan for 2 years it takes an even greater meaning.

EVERYONE SHOULD SEE THIS FILM! It's a master piece. I don't really want to write about it because I don't feel like boring you. I'll just share some of my favorite lines from the movie:

"A relationship, I think, is like a shark. You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark."

"Don't you see the rest of the country looks upon New York like we're left-wing, communist, Jewish, homosexual pornographers? I think of us that way sometimes and I live here."

Annie Hall: Alvy, you're incapable of enjoying life, you know that? I mean you're like New York City. You're just this person. You're like this island unto yourself.
Alvy Singer: I can't enjoy anything unless everybody is. If one guy is starving someplace, that puts a crimp in my evening.

Annie Hall: You're what Grammy Hall would call a real Jew.
Alvy Singer: Oh. Thank you.

Robin: There's Henry Drucker. He has a chair in history at Princeton. Oh, and the short man is Hershel Kaminsky. He has a chair in philosophy at Cornell.
Alvy Singer: Yeah? Two more chairs they got a dining room set.

Allison: I'm in the midst of doing my thesis.

Alvy Singer: On what?

Allison: Political commitment in twentieth century literature.

Alvy Singer: You, you, you're like New York, Jewish, left-wing, liberal, intellectual, Central Park West, Brandeis University, the socialist summer camps and the, the father with the Ben Shahn drawings, right, and the really, y'know, strike-oriented kind of, red diaper, stop me before I make a complete imbecile of myself.

Allison: No, that was wonderful. I love being reduced to a cultural stereotype.

''After that it got pretty late, and we both had to go, but it was great seeing Annie again. I... I realized what a terrific person she was, and... and how much fun it was just knowing her; and I... I, I thought of that old joke, y'know, the, this... this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doc, uh, my brother's crazy; he thinks he's a chicken." And, uh, the doctor says, "Well, why don't you turn him in?" The guy says, "I would, but I need the eggs." Well, I guess that's pretty much now how I feel about relationships; y'know, they're totally irrational, and crazy, and absurd, and... but, uh, I guess we keep goin' through it because, uh, most of us... need the eggs."

SEE THIS MOVIE! It'll make you laugh, cry, cringe.........it's life!

An American in Paris (1951)

So it was bound to happen. I didn't think it would happen so early on, but that's life. I saw a movie I did not like.

I sat down to watch An American in Paris with a half-paying attention Rachel. The NetFlix sleeves said this film won 7 Academy Awards, so I'm under the pretense that I'm in for a fun night.

Yes, the scenery is gorgeous (I mean it's Paris, so you can't really go wrong). Yes, Gene Kelly is very charming (my wiki of him didn't turn up any dirt about alcoholism or child abuse so points there), but OH MY GOD what a silly movie. The last 'dance/daydream' scene literally felt like it lasted for an hour. I mean who daydreams in DANCE??? Especially what STRAIGHT MAN daydreams in DANCE???

Also who falls in love in like 4 seconds?? The whole thing just made me pissy. There are basically 2 story lines going on, Gene's love for this annoying french girl and this rich skanks love of Gene's stupid art. In the last scene (which lasts for about 2 seconds) Gene gets the girl (BIG SURPRISE THERE). And the semi-interesting story line of the art skank never follows through. The movie just ends. Thank god though because I don't think I could have handled any more tap dancing or day dream dancing.

UGH!

All Quiet on the Western Front (1930)

Wow, okay so I can't really be cute with this one.

The movie does a superb job of taking the book and illustrating the horrors of war for this group of young Germans. I read the book in high school and remembered really liking it even though sadly I do know know many details about WWI. I regret taking World History courses by correspondence because I really have little knowledge on the subject (Alex's wisdom for kids: History is worth taking with a real live teacher!!)

I remember from reading the book that any character you became attached to would be killed in the next few pages. Same goes for the movie. It by no means paints a pretty picture of what war is like.

I think the hardest part of the movie is seeing these men realize what they've gotten themselves into. It's just heart breaking to watch the soldiers lose their minds, limbs, lives, etc. because they were convinced to fight in a war they really didn't know anything about.

Of the few Top 100 movies I've seen I will definitely reccommend this one to everyone. If you don't have a lot of knowledge about war and you want to catch a glimpse of just how truly awful it is definitely check this one out.

The African Queen (1951)

Update: I finally got the DVD player to work! I think a wire was loose?? No, not in my head but an actual electric wire. Well most likely my head too...

I was very happy to have some other stupid person to watch the movie with this time around. Not just any stupid person, but my partner in crime in stupidity: my wife, Rachel. She's a good person to watch a movie with because most of the time we have no idea what's going on and we are comfortable enough with each other to ask really dumb questions.

First dumb question "Is that Humphrey Bogart? I swear he was hotter." Things then went from silly to downright idiotic when literally towards the very end of the movie I finally realized that it was the name of the ship that was "The African Queen" and not just some hot African cross-dresser they would meet later.

GREAT, GREAT MOVIE! It's a love story on one hand, but it's also got like a 'Heart of Darkness' theme going on. The dialogue is between two characters for almost the entire film and oddly it doesn't grow tiring (and I swear half of the dialgogue is Katharine Hepburn saying "MR. ALLNUT".)

The two characters transform into awesome people that even I would want to hang out with by the end of the film.Rosie teaches Charlie that sobriety won't kill him, he teaches her that being more adventurous won't kill her. By the end of the movie, there is so much love you just want to hug someone.

My favorite part is the very very last scene where Rosie and Charlie have just escaped their deaths after being wed by a German officer. Being completely romanticly jaded I figure Charlie would just make a swim towards land forgetting ol' Rosie in the sea but in the corniness of the times they actually are excited to spend the rest of their days together and swim back together.

Oh Sigh...

All About Eve (1950)

It took me a while to get around to watching #2 movie, All About Eve. I ended up seeing the movie at approximately 3:30 in the morning while eating half-cooked tortellini. This combination I do not recommend.

Bette. Davis.

Sigh. I see that name and I immediately hear "She's got Bette Davis eyes" and I think of one of the scariest movies I saw growing up: Whatever happened to Baby Jane? This combination I do not recommend. Eek!

Basically Bette Davis scares the crap out of me. She plays the part of an aging alcoholic a little too well. On the other hand I heart Bette Davis. She's so real and shrill. She gets you excited for becoming a nut job.

The story line is a woman's nightmare. The insecurity of getting older and the paranoia that hot thangs can easily replace you. The young hot thang, Miss Eve Harrington, is played by Anne Baxter. She is pretty annoying and talks really slow. Blahhh Blahhh Blahhh. Turns out she's a bit of a psycho too. You pretty much have to be to get in Bette Davis's way.

Best part of movie, Margo's (Bette) birthday party for her man, her utter drunkeness and bossing people around. I can't say I haven't been there. "Play the song another time" "But you're putting everyone to sleep and we've already played it 3 times" "Well we can hear it a fourth time."

Brillant.

The Adventures of Robin Hood (1938)

I am watching my first top 100 film. I am loving life. I've seen the Disney version of Robin Hood many times, so I've pretty much already memorized the story. Basically a bunch of forest animals are helping a fox steal some gold coins so he can run away with this foxey fox and save the rain forest, right?

Huh?

I am immediately turned on to the scenery of the movie. Very medieval Sleeping Beauty-esque (maybe I watch too many Disney movies??) I am caught off guard when I see that there are no foxes or bears but actual human actors! Did the producers do their research right?

So out comes a strapping young man in green tights, our hero, SIR ROBIN HOOD! Woah, I'm temporarily distracted because that Robin Hood is hawtttt, dayumm. My mind races and I have to pull out my iphone to do some wikiing. Perhaps Robin Hood aka Errol Flynn is still alive, happens to live in NY, and needs a new Maid Marion (I could SO be her!!)

Errol Flynn: Errol Leslie Flynn (20 June 1909[1] – 14 October 1959) DAMNIT, all the good ones are dead. That's okay though because I can still pretend like he was my soul mate from another life. I read on "At the age of 20 he moved to New Guinea where he bought a tobacco plantation, a business which failed. A copper mining venture in the hills near the Laloki Valley, behind the present national capital, Port Moresby, also failed." Well you have to admire a man for trying! I mean he eventually became an actor, a LEADING actor. His failures are probably what made him succeed in the end, right? "Flynn had a reputation for his womanizing, consumption of alcohol and brawling. His freewheeling, hedonistic lifestyle caught up with him in November 1942 when two under-age girls, Betty Hansen and Peggy Satterlee, accused him of statutory rape." Did not see that coming...wow I have really bad taste in actors apparently. I mean he looked so sweet, I know he wasn't acting!...

So now I have to watch this movie with swirling thoughts of alcoholism, womanizing and such. I guess he's probably no different than any other actor. Frowny face.

I'm pleasantly surprised that I do know one actress in the film. The very pretty Olivia de Havilland who was in 'Gone with the Wind' and a bunch of other movies that I can't think of now, or ever...awkward silence. I do a little wiki on her and find out she was 22 in this movie. Great, I feel so unaccomplished now.

The movie is wonderful in every way. The costumes are beautiful. The battles are awesome! Seriously did they have stunt doubles back then? I mean ol' alkie Robin is doing all sort of crazy tricks and it's quite amazing. Marion just kind of hangs out but she's so pretty that I don't really blame her. Robin and Marion fall in love after like 5 seconds. It's fantastic.

My favorite scene is when King Richard finally makes an appearance disguised as a priest, rips off his cloak, and declares he's going to kick his baby bro's Norman ass. If you don't know what a Norman is...well don't ask me any details, but I do know they don't like the Saxons... I think it all has to do with English history or that Dungeons and Dragons game. You decide.

Well I don't think a review for Robin Hood has ever been delivered so eloquently.

Now onto..."All About Eve"...who I actually know nothing about...(second on list is really The African Queen but NetFlix says I have to wait until 3/23 for it to come out.)

Half the battle is getting there...

I was so excited to watch the first of the Top 100 movies, The Adventures of Robin Hood (trumpets trumpetting). I rushed home, cooked dinner, and stuck in the DVD.

Okay let’s actually rewind back…

So I spent the past weekend seething at the TV because I couldn’t find which inputs the DVD and Cable are on (there are freaking 9 inputs…by the way I have no idea what input means…that’s just what the button says.)

I’ve figured out the sacred ‘input code’ in the past and then repeated the input name 3 times in my head, but it never stuck. I mean what is ‘Component 1’ or ‘AV2’ supposed to mean to me?? They should be named after famous Celebrities or something that I might remember. Tom Cruise for DVD, Bill Cosby for TV, etc.

After playing around with the controller I finally found the right inputs and in a moment of sheer genius/frenzied anger I wrote down the inputs I needed to know on a post-it and placed it by my TV. I had a system! I was making progress!

Back to the movie…

I turn on the TV and search for ‘AV2’ (that’s what was written on the post-it for DVD). It takes forever for the inputs to change and then I see that there is ‘No Signal.’ What the? I press play for DVD, nothing happens. I take out the disc, clean disc, insert disc, press play, nothing happens. I go through each input AGAIN and there is no DVD player to be found. Really? No, really?

I sometimes regret buying my DVD player at the dollar store down stairs, but it was really convenient and I feel like a total baller when I can roll up into the dollar store and buy whateva I wantt.

Well for now TV is out of the question. Rachel’s computer doesn’t have a DVD player...no I've never used her computer. My computer does but the only DVD that ever works on it is ‘Wedding Crashers.’ (No complaints there.)

I half-jokingly put the movie in my computer. Miraculously the DVD works! Thanks a lot Steve Jobs!

And so begins my adventure with Robin Hood…

The Desicion

Having run out of new How I Met Your Mother dvd's to add to my NetFlix queue, I thought to myself maybe I'll give a movie a shot. I don't know why, but for some reason I really do not like to watch new movies. I get ADD just thinking about sitting for 2 hours to watch a movie.

I've seen a lot A LOT of stupid movies. I think seeing 'Summer Catch'**in theatres made me start disliking movies. 'Just my luck'** made me cringe at the movie industry. 'Cheaper by the Dozen'** made me lose all hope in Hollywood.

There are good movies out there. My mom has talked about them. My mom is right about everything.

I make a decision. I'm going to find a list of the top 100 films, and I'm going to watch every film, and it's going to be awesome, and I'm going to write about the films, and in the process I will become a movie asshole because it's funny and completely obnoxious, and I love to hate completely pompous artsy fartsies.

Here is my list: http://www.filmsite.org/momentsindx1.html

First movie: The Adventures of Robin Hood

**Now that I think about it I saw all these movies with my roommate Rachel. Note to self: don't see movies with Rachel, unless Meryl Streep is in it.